Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
