2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
