pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
