Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
