just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
