The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize