drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
