I puked a lego.
no you cant smoke seaweed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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