I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
