dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
