Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
