During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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