How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
