I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
