im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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