Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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