I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
