I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
