So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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