so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
