Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he thought i was a dude.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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