You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
