If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
