I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
