It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
