and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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