i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
