Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
