Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
