My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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