True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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