Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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