three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
