my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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