Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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