I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
