is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
