I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
