how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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