i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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