Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
