i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
