return my video game
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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