HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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