May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my being single is dangerous.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
