did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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