I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
