My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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