Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
