I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
