I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
