i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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