you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
