dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
