On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
