k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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