I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
