dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
