It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
