turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
