If i could tip my vagina, i would.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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