Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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