no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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