I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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