right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
