Cold hands, warm shart.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it because I queefed?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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