I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize