My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
