dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize