Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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