I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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