I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
