Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
