The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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