I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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